This blog is dedicated to my best friend of the past nine years: Bubby. Such a simple name for such a beautiful spirit....
Bubby at around age 5
I had originally intended for this to be just a private journal, a kind of personal therapy if you will, for the upcoming loss of my baby. I decided though to share this journey (Bubby's as well as mine) online in the hope that it might help someone else, however little, who is going through the same experience.
As I write this blog I'm sure there will be some sad entries. Please do not feel sad for me or Bubby. We've had had a wonderful 9, almost 10, years together. We fell in love with each other the first time we met, and through the years, the up's as well as the down's, our love for each other has only grown in strength and increased in depth. Our time together has been filled with nothing but love, fun and mutual adoration. At the end of the day there are few who can say that they have had that kind of relationship with any being. Both Bubby and I are infinitely blessed with what we share.
I sit here writing this now because after my girlfriend and I left this morning to get my vehicle tag renewed we returned home. Our intention was to put my new tag on, go eat and then hit some garage sales. That was not to be. I came inside to check on Bubby. He is stable right now with congestive heart failure, but knows he is sick. When I sat down to check my email, sick as he is, Bubby got up from his place on the bed, came to me and demanded "pets". Afterwards, when I got up to leave, he got in front of and looked up at me, telling me "Please don't leave me". So, here I sit with my baby lying at my side even though he'd be more comfortable in our bed. I told my girlfriend, Bubby's "mama", to go get herself something to eat. I said "I'm staying here with Bubby."
We're going to lie down now and take a nap.
It's been a hard two months... too difficult to write about here, although I felt obligated to keep my friends on Facebook apprised. In any case, on December 1, I was supposed to go visit family in another town (to visit an uncle who is sick with cancer himself). But when I woke up that morning Bybby was bouncing around and acting like he hadn't been sick at all! So I decided I'd spend the day with him.
ReplyDeleteSuch a great time we had! I cooked us both breakfast and he ate every bit. Then we played in the yard and went for a ride. We wound up at Braums in Owasso where we both ate double-cheeseburgers with fries and Bubby got pets from a nice family that was coming out of the place, then we went for a ride all over north Tulsa County. Sticking his head out the back window of my truck, he smiled as I hadn't seen him smile in months as the wind whipped through his ears and he smelled the spicy smells of late fall. It was a wonderful time for us both.
After our ride I took Bubby to O'Brien park in north Tulsa and let him run, leash laws be damned.
As soon as I opened the truck door he jumped out and headed for the pond closest too us. He swam and swam like all labs do. Then he spotted the geese on the other side of the pond and chased them out of "his space". He was so happy and so was I.
Afterward we went home and I cooked a dinner of boiled chicken and rice for both of us. He ate like a champ and then we went to bed.
About 4 o'clock though I wakened to hear him gasping for breath. There was nothing I could do but give him more medicine and my love. I opened the back door so he could go outside to do his business if he needed then laid back down. When I woke back up at around 8 Bubby wasn't there beside me and I knew it was over. Bubby had gone outside, laid down, and passed away. He was still looking at the back door when he passed and was still warm when I found his body. He stayed as long as he could. My baby....